Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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