I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We left the knife in your bed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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