You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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