I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
