It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
