i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
