I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Less talking, more tequila
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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