just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
