No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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