who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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