you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
