I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
