I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
