we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
