So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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