just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
As shirtless as possible
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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