I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it glows. i had to have it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
