her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
