remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
