Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
