I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you had me at cake vodka
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
