woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
