What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't deserve a penis
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
