What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
