maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
