Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
