her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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