you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
