I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
