I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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