I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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