Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
