Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
