I wish I could punch you in the face.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
