I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
