I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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