Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
