Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
