remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
