Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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