Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
