Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
