Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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