I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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