Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
