it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
