a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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