i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
