I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
a search helicopter?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
