I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
