oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
