did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
