First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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