So drunk its hurt
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
