Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
