Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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