i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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