i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
