This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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