I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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