How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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