I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
